i would like to first of all agree with elizabeth gilbert, who wrote in her book that when she uses the name "god" to speak to a higher power she isn't hoping to offend her readers, she just feels comfortable with the term. so here we go, i too would like to use the name god when reffering to the one i pray to.
really, though.. its more like pleading. i don't attend church and i've never been one to "pray". but much like elizabeth i've come to the point of pleading to god.
me, my soul, my personality, the person i am, has never been indecisive. i really think i've always know what i want. but then again, to say "i think i know" is quite the contradiction. so why don't i know? it's just not me to be this..... lost.
lost: unable to find the way.
so why does this describe me? and why am i to the point of pleading?
i think because i'm never fulfilled where i am.. almost like i think there's something in the world im missing, like a part of me i never had. but then again, i "think", i do not know.
how does anyone really know? did you, reading this... and how did you know?
so here i am, pleading to god to help me make the right decisions. the big ones, like what to do for a career, who should i be, who should i be with, and where do i belong? i'm feeling like im floating again, all along being thankful that im breathing. thankful for the people in my life i love, who love me too. so why is that so bad? whats missing? why am i complaining?
its just something i guess im hoping to find.. something that completes me and that i don't ever question. something i "know".
maybe you need to take a step back. and find out what really makes you happy.
ReplyDeletewhere do i begin
ReplyDeleteok..well i just went through a similar thing. it came to the point where you just let go of everything and you will find out who really cares about you. once you find this out, do stuff that you like whether that is shopping, going to watch movies, going to the park, idk. life gets hard at times, and you fall flat on your face but you have to remember who you are, and what YOU want to do in YOUR life. even if it seems impossible at the time. just remember if you shoot for the moon and you miss, at least you will land among the stars.
ReplyDeleteYou should take it back to the basics. I know people say to forget the past, cause whats done is done there's nothing that can be done about it. I say to embrace it, because without the past would one really be who they are today? God will always be with you standing by your side guiding you in the right direction and placing wonderful opportunities before us, but that's were the free will comes in. Its up to us to make the decisions.
ReplyDeleteI'm a firm believer that "fate" isn't a series of pre-determined events, but rather a chain of periods focused more on emotions than actual happenings. That being said, I think you feel more alone and lost than you actually are; we're all susceptible in the early years of our adulthood to the fallout of pieces of confidence and contentment that we so easily held onto in our adolescence. Fate steps in and deals us hands that we don't always have the capacity to handle. Therefore, at least with myself, it's easy to feel disgruntled, confused, and astray.
ReplyDeleteGod or no God, we all need solid pillars of faith to help us feel less alone. You'll never fully regain those feelings you had in previous years; that's the bitch of fate, it takes away from us some of the best moments and emotions to remind us that so much in life is fleeting, and we must enjoy it while it's here.
But do remember that there are tangible things in life, in your life, that can help instill those wondrous aspects of complacency; art, literature, people, studies, travel- it's all there at your fingertips ready for you to embrace it, not for its more immediate results, but for its ability to fill these "gaps" we all feel inside.
Broaden your mind. Read more, paint, write, draw, converse, learn, and appreciate.
To me, those are the things you can implement that will, one day soon enough, guide you to that "happy place".